Modeling: Lessons I Learned From My Kids

The other day, while relaxing on the sofa, I had a moment that surprised me and taught me something valuable. My kids, aged two to five, were unusually quiet—a rare occurrence. This phase of their lives, often called the “modeling years” (ages two to six), is when children absorb the world around them through observation, mimicry, and emulation. It’s during this time that they begin forming their belief systems, learning cultural values, and building confidence.

When I went back to check on them, I discovered they had taken a mop from the bathroom, sprinkled water around, and were “cleaning” the playroom. I was stunned. No one had instructed them to do this. My initial reaction wasn’t to scold them but to smile and laugh, amused and curious about what prompted this behavior. It was early morning, and their mom, who typically handles the weekend cleaning, wasn’t home.

Then it clicked: They had been observing their mom’s routine—watching her mop the house regularly—and decided to mimic her actions in her absence. Though their technique left much to be desired, its intent struck me. It was a powerful reminder of how much children absorb through observation, often without us realizing it.

This experience reinforced an essential truth: children learn not only from what we tell them but also from how we live our lives. Every action, gesture, and habit is a lesson they are picking up. Realizing this, I became more intentional about my behavior, knowing that my actions carry as much weight as my words in shaping their understanding of the world.

That day, my kids didn’t just mop the floor—they reminded me of the incredible responsibility and influence we hold as parents.

Be What You Want Your Kids to See

I’ve realized that if I want my kids to develop certain habits, I need to live those habits myself. This has made me more intentional about my actions, deeds, and instructions. For example, I want to instill a love for reading in my children. To encourage this, I ensure they often see me holding physical books—not reading from my phone or other smart devices.

Over time, I noticed the impact. My older girls began picking up books, flipping through them, and pretending to read. Even my youngest, who can’t read yet, started mimicking her sisters by grabbing a book and turning its pages as if fully immersed in it. This reinforced for me how much children learn from what they observe.

Realizing how effective this approach was, I introduced a simple nightly routine: after homework, we read a story together before bed. Beyond being an enjoyable bonding time, it teaches them that reading is a meaningful and natural part of life.

This experience has shown me that if I want my kids to embrace positive habits, I must consistently practice them. Instead of relying solely on instructions, I let my actions demonstrate what I value—and that consistency is what truly resonates with them.

A Walk With My Niece: The Power of Modeled Greetings

The other day, I went on a stroll with one of my nieces, who’s in that wonderful two-to-six-year-old stage where they absorb and mimic everything around them. As we walked, we enjoyed observing nature, picking little things here and there, and just taking in the surroundings.

When we passed the first house, as part of our African values, I lifted my hand to greet the elderly people sitting there. My niece, noticing this, immediately followed suit, waving at them and laughing. A little further down the road, we passed another house with no walls, where you could see the people inside. Without hesitation, she waved at someone there as well. The person responded warmly, asking how she was, and we all exchanged smiles.

From that moment on, she greeted almost everyone we encountered along the way—smiling, waving, and interacting. It didn’t matter whether she could speak fluently or not; she had picked up on the value of acknowledging others simply by watching me.

This small experience left a big impression on me. It reminded me how important it is to model the right behavior for children—teaching them respect for others, especially elders, and encouraging kindness and connection. By simply greeting people and engaging with them, we pass on values like social grace, respect, and the importance of community.

Moments like this highlight how much kids learn not just from what we tell them but from what we do. I realized that by modeling simple, respectful actions, we can shape their understanding of what’s acceptable and meaningful in society. For my niece, this walk was more than a stroll—it was a lesson in honoring others and building connections.

Little Lessons, Big Impact: Teaching Through Actions

There are lessons we often overlook but are incredibly important—especially as guardians, parents, or role models. It’s the seemingly small, everyday moments that carry the most weight in shaping the habits and values of the next generation.

For instance, after meals, I’ve made it a point to take dishes to the kitchen and clean them right away. Over time, I noticed the kids picking up on this. Even though they’re too young to wash properly, they try—dragging chairs to the sink, standing on their tiptoes, and attempting to scrub. Sometimes I take over to ensure the job is done right, but other times, I let them continue to encourage their effort. It’s less about the result and more about instilling the habit.

These little habits, developed in childhood, are the foundation of lifelong discipline and responsibility. As parents and guardians, we need to be intentional about modeling these behaviors during what I call the “morning stage” of their development—the early years when their minds are most impressionable.

This principle extends beyond parenting into mentoring and coaching others in adulthood. It’s not just about what we say; it’s about aligning our words with our actions. When people see us consistently practicing what we teach, our lessons carry more weight. Authenticity in how we live builds trust and sets a powerful example.

Ultimately, our lives should embody the values we wish to impart. Our deeds, actions, and decisions should reflect the lessons we want to pass on—not just for children but for everyone we hope to influence. So, living intentionally allows us to positively impact society while fostering a generation of responsible, respectful, and thoughtful global citizens.

Here are five actionable steps:

1. Model Positive Habits Daily

Reflect on the values and habits you want to instill in those around you. Be it showing kindness, maintaining discipline, or showing curiosity, make sure your daily actions align with those values. Know that, consistent actions leave lasting impressions.

2. Create Opportunities for Observation

Make space for natural learning moments. If you want to promote a love for reading, let children or mentees see you reading regularly. Want to teach responsibility? Let them watch you clean up, organize, or fulfill tasks with care.

3. Encourage Participation Without Pressure

Involve kids or mentees in your routines—even if they don’t do things perfectly. Whether it’s letting them “help” with chores or engaging in group activities, the effort matters more than the outcome. Celebrate their participation to reinforce positive behavior.

4. Show Respect Through Small Gestures

Practice simple acts of respect—like greeting others, showing gratitude, or tidying up after yourself. These actions model important life skills that children and those under your guidance are likely to mimic.

5. Stay Consistent in Aligning Words and Actions

Avoid mixed messages. If you value a particular virtue, such as honesty or kindness, embody it in your interactions. Authenticity reinforces credibility, ensuring your lessons resonate deeply and last a lifetime.

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